Do Things Happen For a Reason?

Half my friends say and firmly believe, yes... everything happens for a reason.
The other half...  "nah".  It's all by chance.

I keep trying to figure out which I believe in...  maybe neither.  Maybe both.

But what I do know is this, life happens.  Moments stack on top of moments and we are changed.  Sometimes profoundly... other times, a small seed is planted and doesn't really nudge at us until years later, when we realize that little element of hope sprouted and grew while we weren't watching or cultivating.

For the first time, I think I've mentioned this before, for the first time in my life I am taking one day at a time.  No expectations for my future.  No solid game plan.  In a way, and I don't mean to sound dark or bleak or morbid, but in a way, I honestly think life broke me into pieces.  I think to a large degree at least once or twice in our lives it does that with us all.  My friend Justin would remind me that there are moments, in fact, each second where we die and are reborn again. 

Sometimes I look at my mom, knowing she doesn't feel the "same", often times doesn't feel "normal", more often I'm sure she is afraid and confused a lot.  I look at her and I see my own reflection to an extent.  But there is something incredibly freeing when you are in a state of complete "absence of".  A place where you have either willingly or unwillingly had to release more than you ever thought you could.  Let go of your identity.  Let go of things that once comforted and felt secure.  Let go of home base.  Let go of all the expecteds that once felt like they guided you in the direction you thought you were meant to travel.  Let go.  Let go.  Let go.

I think mom and I are maybe designed to help one another through that process and reach the point where a friend reminded me yesterday of "flying".  Expanding so much because of what has been added as replacement to what is lost that you can't help feeling the exhilaration of the free fall and the rush of wind, air, LIFE that starts being the thing that grounds you and makes you feel completed and pieced together in a new mosaic of perfect design.

Maybe sometimes it's best not to set a course for yourself.  It's too limiting and stifles the ability to find endless possibility.  Breathe deep, Rhonda.  Breathe deeply, friends.  Fill your lungs with joy and with life and love.