Boxes Inside of Boxes

During my session with Dr. Kojis (chiropractor) this morning I realized how tense my neck muscles were.  Something I’m used to dealing with in my own clients and was kind of surprised to find considering I thought I wasn’t very tense. 

As little children, we’re programmed by parents, grandparents, adult influences in our lives.  We’re told to calm down, restrict our enthusiasm, hold back our tears, be quiet.  Don’t be too excited, don’t be too upset.  We’re taught at an early age to control as much as we can.  Control our surroundings.  Control our emotions.  And control others.

All the “controlling” we manage for ourselves locks us up, chains us and manifests in our bodies physically if we aren’t careful.  In our muscles, our tendons, fascia tissue, our organs, our blood stream, our cells.

I used to love spending hours and hours just listening to the sounds my mom’s old piano created when the keys were struck.  I would take the piano apart and watch the vibration of the strings from the strike on out and through.  From as young as I can remember, I was totally fascinated and eventually learned how to control the piano.  I would play for hours.  Especially when life seemed rough around the edges; which quite often were the times when my dad would come home drunk and angry.  I would escape into my music. And then get yelled at for being too loud.  Shut up.  Control and stifle what wanted to be free flowing, what NEEDED to be free flowing.   I responded by adopting “quiet” and stillness as part of my nature.  Even when I wanted to scream.  When I wanted to shout.  When I wanted to sing for the whole world, I found a way to sing softly… supporting others, blending myself into the background. 

We box ourselves in.

Then layer the boxes. 

While Kojis’s hands energetically lifted my soul and created a better balance within the structural part of me, my own healing response took me through layer after layer of packaging.  Layer upon layer of “control this, control that”.  And I came out of it all wanting to open them one by one and be appreciative for the gifts inside.  Rather than smashing them open, as I think we tend to try to do during the healing of the body, mind and spirit, I found a power in opening up the parts that need open just like I would a Christmas present… only all these little gifts are wrapped up by life through us, uniquely because of us and our reactions. 

Some people, especially those who study and practice Asian modalities, talk about healing being like a lotus flower; layers opening up to reveal a more healthy, more authentic person underneath.  I’ve always viewed it as a painful process.  Today, though, I saw it as a beautiful, freeing process.  One that gives us the power to stop trying to control and simply allow ourselves to be and to experience life more deeply, more richly.  A way to open up and release into grander living.