First Day of My Life

No secret that my mother instilled in me a love for the arts; creativity in all flavors whether music, art, nature. I adopted a lifestyle that includes seeing beauty everywhere, even in the darkness. It's also no secret that my son underwent brain surgery when he was 16 years old, something that drastically changes anyone going through anything similar. I've written several things about that time frame and won't revisit it now, but wanted to call it to the forefront because of my thoughts and gratitude today.

My grandmothers and aunts and even a grandfather or two gave me their favorite tunes. Songs that when I now hear I am immediately transported back in time.

My mother gave me the gift of her songs. And they've built up my life and kept me sustained during moments when I thought I wouldn't be able to put one foot in front of the other.

My children have given me the gift of their songs. Throughout their lives they have introduced me to the melodies they have found. The lyrics that have meant the same to them, words that provide an ability to appreciate, define, surf and move through this life.

And my granddaughter brings me hers. Usually wrapped inside the package of dancing or twirling or tumbling.

A common thread tying past to present, a thread bringing love when there is absence, and a thread of hope.

A couple of things happened this week. I was at a venue, listening to music with friends and had begun making my way out after the show. I was stopped in my tracks. No one EVER plays this song, but it came over the loud speakers there. "I love little baby ducks, old pick-up trucks, slow moving trains... and rain." An old Tom T. Hall country song that my dad used to sing all the time. Life wasn't easy as a kid in his household, but upon his passing, after years of seeking out and finding forgiveness and understanding with my adult eyes looking back, that song came to me as if announced over loud speakers at a circus, almost audible as I watched his soul leaving his body and I realized in that moment I would never hear his voice sing that song again. And there it was, crystal clear being played at a venue in downtown Des Moines, in the middle of nowhere accompanying me to my car and reminding me that after all the hurt, after all the pain and suffering spattered with more moments of joy and happiness, all that matters in the end is love; who we love, how we love, what we love. It flows before we arrive here, it carries us through and it takes us further once we are finished with our time here on earth.

And last night something happened that I know would embarrass my son by my sharing, but moms are born to embarrass sons, right? I've heard bits and pieces over the years of my son singing along to the radio or quietly humming something to himself. But I've never heard him sing a complete song, loud and proud with an audience. We were sharing time with friends (and luckily I was invited) and after dinner began "jamming" together. There are no words I can begin to describe hearing "First Day of My Life" sung with so much emotion and power --- coming from the voice of my son who spent his 16th year recovering and rehabbing from the removal of tumors from his brain. I will let the song say it all:

This is the first day of my life
Swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain, suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach

Yours was the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
I don't know where I am, I don't know where I've been
But I know where I want to go

So I thought I'd let you know
That these things take forever, I especially am slow
But I realized how I need you
And I wondered if I could come home

I remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange, you said everything changed
You felt as if you just woke up

And you said
"This is the first day of my life
Glad I didn't die before I met you
Now I don't care, I could go anywhere with you
And I'd probably be happy"

So if you want to be with me
With these things there's no telling
We'll just have to wait and see
But I'd rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery  (Bright Eyes)


I truly believe LOVE is all that matters.
Let the songs carry you to heal your own past, to comfort your present, to enhance and guide you into where you need and want to be. Sometimes I think the greatest thing a mom can provide is an appreciation for music and for the gorgeous gems that lay buried waiting to be found by the one who can see through the dust and dirt.