On Becoming More Bitchy

My mom told me over and over when I was young, “Be nice. Nice girls always get the guy.” Or “nice girls always come out ahead.” Or “nice girls always win in the end.”

I love that my mom taught me about how to be nice. Her actions more than her words became my road map. And she has always been one of the sweetest women I know. But often times while watching her be “kind”, I pushed down an overwhelming feeling of MAD. Because I watched as she worried about others so much, she lost parts of herself that I’m not sure she ever regained. While making others (including me) happy, she sacrificed her own self and life and health. A horrific price to pay. Pushing herself beyond her own limits so that others’ lives could be more comfortable. I learned from the master teacher.

But lately, I’ve been questioning “nice”.  Or my own interpretation of what that is.

Questioning it alot.

Not saying I think we should all throw kindness out the door. Far from it. But how about if we’re nice to ourselves enough to keep ourselves intact? To make our lives a bit easier?

For the first time in my life I’m finding out the efficiency of placing boundaries quickly and quietly around my inner being. It's hard for me to do. I have to work hard at it.

At work, I've had to learn how to apply these new principles better. Be more precise. Be more decisive. Be more clear. It saves time. It manages other’s lives better. It makes the well-oiled machine run much more economically. It helps MY life feel easier. I’ve struggled with it, because in demonstrating THOSE qualities, I have felt I’m sacrificing “nice”. Today the light bulb went on as I was gently taught that my concept and interpretation is a bit askew.

I also figured out today that this world isn’t always nice. (duh) Very few individuals I know of are completely selfless. Most of us are incredibly selfish, putting our own wants before anyone else. Not that that is good or bad. I’m convinced it’s simply being human. We all expect life and the universe to swirl around our importance and when it doesn’t we get all bent out of shape and wonder why and feel we’ve failed or something. (a different topic altogether) So I’ve entered into the challenge to begin using my built in Bullshit Radar - on myself and on others. What can I do to not only protect my energy but also “your” energy? Keeping us out of circumstances or moments that are unnecessary or unimportant or just really not needed? Going back to that feeling of creating more empty space around me. I’m finding out there’s a way to make vastness around my reactions or lack of reactions and in my constant need to people please.  Whittle down. Take away. Remove. And in so doing, I become aware that there truly are those who take advantage. (insert huge audible, collective gasp) Some people try to get away with as much as possible simply because they can, probably without even understanding what they are doing.

Just say no. Be blunt and to the point. 

Especially if you’re in a place where you feel you need to start protecting your own value and worth. I’m giving myself permission to pull back on the nice-ness.

Look out world. And um, sorry mom.

lol