Of What We're Made

I’ve been “thinking” in circles and squares and all kinds of random shapes since I first remember being able to remember. And once again, the Queen of Abstracts and Absolutes finds out what she thought she knew, she doesn’t know at all.

I’ve been on a quest for the past several years of learning what it takes to “let go”. To subtract those things that don’t make me better or leave me in a higher place. I’ve learned to dismiss, diminish, take away, step back, stop trying so hard, simply allow, go with the flow, reduce, remove. And I stand by the realization that all of the changes and re-arranges have shifted me, made me better, brought me more spirituality, more grace, more understanding and more joy. But I just had a “eureka moment” that can’t be ignored.

Until my life is over, I don’t think there are certain situations and circumstances of which  I will ever be able to completely let go. There are losses we face and are forced into bearing. There are tragedies that rob us, morph us. There are heartbreaks that we never fully recover from. All things I’ve tried over and over to rise above. All things I’ve peeled apart, layer by painful layer in an attempt to reach total healing. And it just now occurs to me that maybe we’re not designed to let it all go. Rather maybe we’re designed to process, digest, take it IN – not push against it or attempt to eradicate. Maybe it simply becomes part of who we are, becomes our make-up and part of our grander design. And maybe finally, in the surrendering, truly surrendering, I’ll discover maybe, just maybe, I’ve let go more than I think I have… and if not, maybe I’ve let go “enough”.

The things that happen TO us all, aren’t who we have ever been, aren’t who we potentially can be. I hope I’m learning how to place those things gently somewhere within where they work best so that I can be connected to the me I know I can be. And I hope I allow myself more breathing room and more elbow room.