Reflection

(Rhonda’s words:)

She kept wondering…

“Why can’t he see it.”

Maybe it isn’t there or

Maybe it’s all her.

And then he told her about watching the little girl.  Her intention to feed some ducks.  Good intention.  Warm and generous heart.  But she chose an unconventional approach keeping the bread intact and rather than using crumbs, used whole slices.  Maybe she had a disability that kept her mind from thinking of another way.  Maybe she was lazy.  Maybe no one had shown her a way where the ducks would be more responsive.  Maybe she was doing exactly what her mother had told her to do.  But he wanted to go show her the right way to feed the birds.  He saw her foolishness.  Wanted to change her, fix her and make her understand what she was doing was wrong or inefficient.  He didn’t want to accept that the little girl just wanted to feed the ducks in her own way.  Her own pace.  With her own insightfulness.

The story made her realize something they both choose not to see.  A need to control life outside and  within.  A need to want to dive in and alter what simply is.  Change something for the “better” or “best”.  Yet neither realizing the best is in the moment, happening just the way it is.

She had to eat.  Had to nourish her body.  While her soul was screaming for something, too.

And at the table while eating vegetables… she read the following from a book, “Healing Through the Akashic Records:  Using the Power of Your Sacred Wounds to Discover Your Soul’s Perfection” by Linda Howe.  And it all came together.  She saw it more clearly.  Identified with words what has kept eluding her. She connected her own need to eat vegatables with her need to feed the ducks, the way she knew to feed the ducks.

(Linda’s words, words that could have been Rhonda’s:)

“My father’s death was a slow and terribly painful one.  Perhaps you, too, have been helpless in the face of a loved one’s suffering.  The compassionate space of the Records gave me relief from the sadness and angst I experienced during that trying time, and this in itself was a tremendous healing gift.

But I remained troubled.  I felt tied in knots about how my siblings should respond:  both to my father’s care and to handling the emotionally wrenching situations themselves.  (There were knots tied within knots tied within knots – I am the second child of eight!)  I was certain I knew what each of my brothers and sisters should do, and I felt strongly compelled to manage and direct their actions.  As you might imagine, my direction was not always welcome.

The Records revealed a different approach.  They led me to an understanding that all of my brothers and sisters were entitled to their own experiences of our father’s death.  They showed me that not only was it inappropriate for me to guide, urge, or try to inspire my siblings – for I truly did not know what was best for them – it was also unnecessary.  I came to understand that each of us had a unique relationship with our father and that it was insulting and demeaning of me to force my perceptions on another. This was not an easy realization to come to:  none of us wants to discover that our behavior has been insulting or demeaning….

…I came to know and trust that everyone could take care of him or herself. ..

…This invaluable discovery – that each one of my siblings had his or her own rightful pathway through our father’s death – is one (lesson) I cannot now unlearn.”

And a few pages later, Linda writes:

“I know how hard it is to live with hurt feelings and the scar tissue that has built up around them.  I know how difficult it is to be held hostage to old patterns of interacting with others.  I know how demoralizing it is to keep trying to change but to fail again and again.  And I know what it is like to use your shortcomings against yourself.  It is because I have suffered these experiences, too, and have been relieved of them, that I am sharing this method with you.  Believe me; your efforts will bring tremendous liberation.”

(Rhonda’s voice:)

The challenge for her becomes what Linda suggests is the first step;  "don’t judge, fear not….  resist not.” 

All things she’s heard him say in a different kind of way.

Can she see in her what she sees in him?

Can he see in him what he sees in her?