Several times throughout life
I’ve been filled with childlike wonder; an innocence and quiet knowing that
what I’m experiencing is beyond beautiful and is as perfect as life can be on
Planet Earth. Those times have spoken and shown me heaven while in human form.
I’ve been blanketed by magic and pure joy when I saw the Pacific Ocean for the
very first time with my grandmother, every time I saw my children get the
giggles, when I felt mountains for the first time, when I rode a horse across
the desert in Arizona while staying with a woman who couldn’t speak English but
who showed me a kind of love that spoke loudly and clearly, when I held my
granddaughter for the first time, when I landed in Maui the first time… the
second time… the third, when I swam with my Lomi family in holy waters and
spent time praying alone at Kukuipuka Heiau.
Unfortunately, and something
I’m desperately wrestling with right now, this flawed world has a way of
sometimes tarnishing the luster and taking away or chiseling away what once was
so precious and sweet. Thieves have a way of stealing into those moments that I
somehow wish I could figure out how to cling to forever. And a heavy cloud of
doubt or fear or lack of faith tries diminishing and lessening the innocence.
I’m lost. I honestly can’t
find my way back into those holy spaces. I guess I have to just trust and know
that they are a part of who I am. They haven’t gone anywhere, even though time
and circumstance has whittled away at their initial impact on my life. And I
come full circle inside my own head, thinking all those things add up, layer
upon layer and provide a quiet foundation of truth. And even though the world
tries crowding them out or stealing them away, I’m elevated by them. They are
my stepping stones; my building blocks.
So when it feels like an
earthquake is trying to knock me off my feet or push me off my course or whip
me off balance, the remembrances may be all that is needed to keep carrying me
forward. I just need to think back on those times and stop and see and feel their
light shining from “what was” into “what is”….. And no matter what happens tomorrow, whether there is pain or whether there is laughter, I can stand in tact and in touch with a childlike heart.
“So was I once myself a
swinger of birches.
And so I dream of going back
to be.”
― Robert Frost
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