Falling From the Sky

I hate to admit, but in a way, I proudly admit it.  I sometimes want to jump off this carousel ride.  The logical me tries to remind myself of all the good.  The great friends.  My children.  My family.  Those who are constant reminders that life is so much more harsh to them than it is to me.  Who am I to whine?
Yet there I sit.  Alone in the dark, crying.  Wishing I could dive off a cliff or bridge and be done with a world that hardly ever makes sense to me.
I won't.  I know I won't.  But I admit I'm human and I have the thoughts.  But I also know I have the kind of love that somehow, mysteriously fell from the sky when it was least expected. 

In particular, I'm thinking about Little Miss Em, my very own Strawberry Shortcake.  Life was just going along being life when all of a sudden a new little person entered my world and made me aware that there are these incredible moments that happen throughout all the dips and curves and bumps we endure.  Within one day, life becomes something completely different than what you've known, what you could possibly imagine.
I was reminded, gently "nudged" today that quite often, people come into your life completely unexpectedly and feel like they've always been part of your make-up, like they just appear - falling seemingly from the sky.  Part of your bigger whole.  But nothing inside your brain cells ever gave warning that they were on their way in through your door and into your heart.
What a difference a day makes.
I've been so wrapped up in feeling alone over the holidays, without my kids, without my granddaughter, without my friends from back home...  I hope I learn someday how to master my darker thoughts.  How to ride them like waves of the ocean and then arrive safe and sound on dry land, seeing life with a bit more freedom, perspective and a lot more optimism.